I've always been of the opinion that there's not much
training can do to you, unless you are extremely interested in something and
there is a training available from a more knowledgeable person on that
something. So there was this two day training on "Hands on Leaders
Program" being conducted by the Corporate HR Department(CHRD) in my
office. I decided to attend this training. My motivation being; it would be a
welcome break from my routine work schedule in office and what better way to take
a break. You do not have to relinquish your holidays(precious when you are
getting married the same year); moreover you are getting trained on becoming a
leader...
So began the training.... Qualities of leadership.. First Quality: Good Communication... When one hears of communication people usually associate it with how well a person can speak... But, here it was about the subtle, yet, critical things that get ignored while talking about communication. A fact was thrown.. 45% of the time is spent on "Listening" in our communication with anyone. So you ought to be a good listener in order to be a good communicator which in turn will enable you to be a good leader... Ok.. Thats interesting.. but I am a good listener. I thought to myself...
Next came assertiveness.. Yes, assertiveness is also a subtle yet critical part of "Good" communication. Honestly, I din't really know what assertiveness actually meant. Not that i din't know the word or hadn't heard it before.. But the actual meaning of the word and how does one be assertive.. I had no idea.. So I sat up and "listened" with interest. A video was played.. On how to be assertive.. First.. You have to be honest.
Second, you should bifurcate what is negotiable and what is non-negotiable. And then a technique was shown on how to tackle situation where you are being asked to compromise on your non-negotiable items. "Keep repeating that this thing is something that I cannot do(implying this is non negotiable)". Then the training went on.. Some other qualities were discussed.. Role Play; Group Activity etc etc... But this is not the point I am making.. What happened after the end of the second day is more interesting...
Training ends at 5... I am pleased, primarily, because office getting over at five on a Friday means that your weekend has started a few hours early.. Mandar, a colleague and a friend of mine, wants to get dropped somewhere mid-way(I have a two wheeler) to my home. We leave together. On the road there is a mishap.. one may call it a minor accident. I am riding along the left of a car(Hyundai i10). Suddenly the i10 takes a steep left because there is another car which has taken a sudden 'U - turn' from the opposite lane. I try and stop my bike but the left part of the rear bumper of the i10 gets stuck between the disc plate and the rims of my front tyre. The left part of the bumper detaches from the body of the car. Luckily, I don't lose my balance. I go around and stop near the driver intending to ask him to be a little more careful while driving. He, in turn, stops and gets down examining the damage. There are two others with him in the car.
i10 owner : Kaise chalate ho yaar?
Me : Aap kaise chalate ho yaar..
i10 owner: Gaadi to tune thoki na.
Me: Maine nai thoki sir.. Wo to mai bach gaya warna aapki wajah se abhi gira hua hota.
i10 owner: Lekin Gaadi to thuki na.
Me: Haan wo to hai. Ab karna kya hai?
i10 owner: Ab tu iska kharcha bhar de.
Me(astounded): Mai kyu bharu?? Meri to koi galti nai hai.
i10 owner: Lekin mera to nuksan ho raha hai na..
Me: Wo to hai.. lekin meri wajah se nai ho raha na..
Friend 1: Teri wajah se hi to hua hai na.. You were trying to overtake from the left..
Me(Interrupting him): I was not overtaking from the left.. I was riding along with you on the left. You took a sudden left which is why I had to take evasive action and somehow managed not to fall..
i10 owner: To left mai kyu chal raha tha..
Me: Sir govt ne road chauri isliye banayi hai ki gadiyan parallelly chal sake..
i10 owner: Lekin nuksan to mera hua hai na. Starts explaining another incident where he had to pay to another cab driver because his car brushed the cab and the cabs mirror broke.
Me: Sir to wo to apki galti thi na… Agar apko laga ki apki galti nai thi to aapne paise nai dene the usne.
Friend 2: Matlab tu keh raha hai ki agar paise do to who galat hai.
Me: Nai. Mai yeh keh raha ki agar galti apki na ho aur phir bhi paise do to who galat hai.
Mandar(my friend): Anyways boss us case mai kya hua, ye yaha discuss karke koi fayda nai hai.. Yaha pe we know that we are not at fault and hence lets resolve this. Agar kisi se paise leni hi hai to you should’ve caught that person who had taken that U turn in front of you.
i10 owner: Usne to meri gaadi nai thoki na. Aur maine usse bachne ke liye left liya. Aur tumne mere ko peeche se aake mara.. To galti kiski hai?
Me: Sir aap chahe to police ko bula lo lekin mai apko ek paisa nai dena wala..
i10 owner: thik hai bula tu police ko.
Me: Mai kyu bulaon?? Apko bulana hai aap bulao. Mere ko jane do..
I start my bike..I10 owner bends to put his hands on the keys to stop me. I stop my bike..
Me: Sirji police ko apne bulana hai to bulao. Uske alawa mai yaha baitha rahunga aap bologe to..
i10 owner: Thik hai. (To Friend 2) oye dekhiyo yaha chaurahe pe police hogi. Bula ke laiyo.
We wait for the police… In the mean time Friend 1’s phone rings.. From the conversation I could make out that Friend 2 had found a policeman and they were on their way here.
As soon as the police comes; I10 owner shows the damage to the car and explains the situation.
Policeman examines the car and asks me
Policeman: Something in kannada..
Me: Yes sir???
Policeman : Kannada barralla??
Me: No sir. No Kannada..
Policeman: Kya karna hai?
Me: Sir meri galti nai hai.. I narrate the situation again to him.
i10 owner to policeman: Sir agar koi aake apko peeche se thoke to galti kiski hai?
Me to policeman: Sir maine peeche se nai thoka hai.. Bumper ke side mai lagi hai.. which means we were driving side by side.. Aur who bhi hum jyada speed mai nai the.. Warna mai to two wheeler se gir jata na..
Policeman(to both of us): Dekho boss.. Agar compromise karna hai to yaha karke finish karo warna go the police station. Waha pe officer will decide.
i10 owner: Sir mai to compromise ke liye to ready hi hoon. Yehi nai maan raha.
Me: Sir mai kyu paise doon sir. Meri galti hi nai hai.
i10 owner: Sir apko kya lagta hai.. Kiski galti hai?
Policeman: Dekho boss.. Situation mai I was not there. Both of you know best whose fault it was. If u can’t decide then go the station.
Mandar(to i10 Owner): Look boss.. All of us here are matured individuals working in corporate companies. Lets be mature and understand that isme hum dono ki galti nai hai. Jiski galti hai wo to u turn mar ke chala gaya nai. There is no point in going over this any longer..
i10 Owner: Boss ye koi bike ka headlight nai tuta hai jo 200-300 rupaye mai thik ho jayega. Ye gaadi ka bumper hai. Iske kharcha lagta hai.
Mandar: Boss apko kya lagta hai. Humare paas gaadi nai hai?? Hume pata nai gadi ka bumper kya hota hai.
i10 owner: I am not even asking him to replace the bumper. All I am asking to give the repairing costs.
Me: Sir mai apko ek paise nai dena wala hoon. I am convinced that its not my fault and hence will not give you a single rupee…
i10 owner: Lets go to the station then.
Me: Chalo phir..
i10 owner: Apke bande mere saath aayega gadi mai.
Mandar : (Goes with him) Also laughs n says, boss bhagna hota to pehle hi bhaag liye hote… N aap gadi mai hame is traffic mai pakar bhi nai sakte the..
(Friend 2 comes toward my bike to give me company so that I don’t run away either.. I start my bike.. Friend 1 and i10 owner are discussing something.. Friend 2 asks me to stop the bike and goes to them.)
i10 owner approaches me
i10 owner: Boss police station jayenge to hamare se bhi paise lenge aur apse bhi paise lenge.
Me: To phir kya karna hai??
i10 owner: I am not even asking you to replace the bumper.. Just give me the repairing costs.
Me: Kyu du mai?? Meri koi galti hi nai hai..
(i10 owner, Friend 1 and Friend 2 decide to call a mechanic before going to a police station. The mechanic comes and examines and says that the bumper would need to be replace and that no repairing can be done on it.)
So began the training.... Qualities of leadership.. First Quality: Good Communication... When one hears of communication people usually associate it with how well a person can speak... But, here it was about the subtle, yet, critical things that get ignored while talking about communication. A fact was thrown.. 45% of the time is spent on "Listening" in our communication with anyone. So you ought to be a good listener in order to be a good communicator which in turn will enable you to be a good leader... Ok.. Thats interesting.. but I am a good listener. I thought to myself...
Next came assertiveness.. Yes, assertiveness is also a subtle yet critical part of "Good" communication. Honestly, I din't really know what assertiveness actually meant. Not that i din't know the word or hadn't heard it before.. But the actual meaning of the word and how does one be assertive.. I had no idea.. So I sat up and "listened" with interest. A video was played.. On how to be assertive.. First.. You have to be honest.
Second, you should bifurcate what is negotiable and what is non-negotiable. And then a technique was shown on how to tackle situation where you are being asked to compromise on your non-negotiable items. "Keep repeating that this thing is something that I cannot do(implying this is non negotiable)". Then the training went on.. Some other qualities were discussed.. Role Play; Group Activity etc etc... But this is not the point I am making.. What happened after the end of the second day is more interesting...
Training ends at 5... I am pleased, primarily, because office getting over at five on a Friday means that your weekend has started a few hours early.. Mandar, a colleague and a friend of mine, wants to get dropped somewhere mid-way(I have a two wheeler) to my home. We leave together. On the road there is a mishap.. one may call it a minor accident. I am riding along the left of a car(Hyundai i10). Suddenly the i10 takes a steep left because there is another car which has taken a sudden 'U - turn' from the opposite lane. I try and stop my bike but the left part of the rear bumper of the i10 gets stuck between the disc plate and the rims of my front tyre. The left part of the bumper detaches from the body of the car. Luckily, I don't lose my balance. I go around and stop near the driver intending to ask him to be a little more careful while driving. He, in turn, stops and gets down examining the damage. There are two others with him in the car.
i10 owner : Kaise chalate ho yaar?
Me : Aap kaise chalate ho yaar..
i10 owner: Gaadi to tune thoki na.
Me: Maine nai thoki sir.. Wo to mai bach gaya warna aapki wajah se abhi gira hua hota.
i10 owner: Lekin Gaadi to thuki na.
Me: Haan wo to hai. Ab karna kya hai?
i10 owner: Ab tu iska kharcha bhar de.
Me(astounded): Mai kyu bharu?? Meri to koi galti nai hai.
i10 owner: Lekin mera to nuksan ho raha hai na..
Me: Wo to hai.. lekin meri wajah se nai ho raha na..
Friend 1: Teri wajah se hi to hua hai na.. You were trying to overtake from the left..
Me(Interrupting him): I was not overtaking from the left.. I was riding along with you on the left. You took a sudden left which is why I had to take evasive action and somehow managed not to fall..
i10 owner: To left mai kyu chal raha tha..
Me: Sir govt ne road chauri isliye banayi hai ki gadiyan parallelly chal sake..
i10 owner: Lekin nuksan to mera hua hai na. Starts explaining another incident where he had to pay to another cab driver because his car brushed the cab and the cabs mirror broke.
Me: Sir to wo to apki galti thi na… Agar apko laga ki apki galti nai thi to aapne paise nai dene the usne.
Friend 2: Matlab tu keh raha hai ki agar paise do to who galat hai.
Me: Nai. Mai yeh keh raha ki agar galti apki na ho aur phir bhi paise do to who galat hai.
Mandar(my friend): Anyways boss us case mai kya hua, ye yaha discuss karke koi fayda nai hai.. Yaha pe we know that we are not at fault and hence lets resolve this. Agar kisi se paise leni hi hai to you should’ve caught that person who had taken that U turn in front of you.
i10 owner: Usne to meri gaadi nai thoki na. Aur maine usse bachne ke liye left liya. Aur tumne mere ko peeche se aake mara.. To galti kiski hai?
Me: Sir aap chahe to police ko bula lo lekin mai apko ek paisa nai dena wala..
i10 owner: thik hai bula tu police ko.
Me: Mai kyu bulaon?? Apko bulana hai aap bulao. Mere ko jane do..
I start my bike..I10 owner bends to put his hands on the keys to stop me. I stop my bike..
Me: Sirji police ko apne bulana hai to bulao. Uske alawa mai yaha baitha rahunga aap bologe to..
i10 owner: Thik hai. (To Friend 2) oye dekhiyo yaha chaurahe pe police hogi. Bula ke laiyo.
We wait for the police… In the mean time Friend 1’s phone rings.. From the conversation I could make out that Friend 2 had found a policeman and they were on their way here.
As soon as the police comes; I10 owner shows the damage to the car and explains the situation.
Policeman examines the car and asks me
Policeman: Something in kannada..
Me: Yes sir???
Policeman : Kannada barralla??
Me: No sir. No Kannada..
Policeman: Kya karna hai?
Me: Sir meri galti nai hai.. I narrate the situation again to him.
i10 owner to policeman: Sir agar koi aake apko peeche se thoke to galti kiski hai?
Me to policeman: Sir maine peeche se nai thoka hai.. Bumper ke side mai lagi hai.. which means we were driving side by side.. Aur who bhi hum jyada speed mai nai the.. Warna mai to two wheeler se gir jata na..
Policeman(to both of us): Dekho boss.. Agar compromise karna hai to yaha karke finish karo warna go the police station. Waha pe officer will decide.
i10 owner: Sir mai to compromise ke liye to ready hi hoon. Yehi nai maan raha.
Me: Sir mai kyu paise doon sir. Meri galti hi nai hai.
i10 owner: Sir apko kya lagta hai.. Kiski galti hai?
Policeman: Dekho boss.. Situation mai I was not there. Both of you know best whose fault it was. If u can’t decide then go the station.
Mandar(to i10 Owner): Look boss.. All of us here are matured individuals working in corporate companies. Lets be mature and understand that isme hum dono ki galti nai hai. Jiski galti hai wo to u turn mar ke chala gaya nai. There is no point in going over this any longer..
i10 Owner: Boss ye koi bike ka headlight nai tuta hai jo 200-300 rupaye mai thik ho jayega. Ye gaadi ka bumper hai. Iske kharcha lagta hai.
Mandar: Boss apko kya lagta hai. Humare paas gaadi nai hai?? Hume pata nai gadi ka bumper kya hota hai.
i10 owner: I am not even asking him to replace the bumper. All I am asking to give the repairing costs.
Me: Sir mai apko ek paise nai dena wala hoon. I am convinced that its not my fault and hence will not give you a single rupee…
i10 owner: Lets go to the station then.
Me: Chalo phir..
i10 owner: Apke bande mere saath aayega gadi mai.
Mandar : (Goes with him) Also laughs n says, boss bhagna hota to pehle hi bhaag liye hote… N aap gadi mai hame is traffic mai pakar bhi nai sakte the..
(Friend 2 comes toward my bike to give me company so that I don’t run away either.. I start my bike.. Friend 1 and i10 owner are discussing something.. Friend 2 asks me to stop the bike and goes to them.)
i10 owner approaches me
i10 owner: Boss police station jayenge to hamare se bhi paise lenge aur apse bhi paise lenge.
Me: To phir kya karna hai??
i10 owner: I am not even asking you to replace the bumper.. Just give me the repairing costs.
Me: Kyu du mai?? Meri koi galti hi nai hai..
(i10 owner, Friend 1 and Friend 2 decide to call a mechanic before going to a police station. The mechanic comes and examines and says that the bumper would need to be replace and that no repairing can be done on it.)
i10 owner: Lets go to the station..
Me: Chalo…
(We drive to the
police station. Me and Friend 2 on the bike. Mandar, Friend 1 and i10 Owner in
car)
(I10 owner, Mandar and
me go to the police…Friend1 and Friend 2 wait in the car)
We are directed to two three different tables before we
reach the right the police man.
I10 owner to policeman: Narrates the incident.. Then says..
now he is not willing to pay the money. I want to file a report..
Policeman: Ok sir. Aap ek FIR likha do..
Me: Sir, but I don’t think that I am at fault. I myself
escaped from falling.
Policeman: Ok sir, Aap bhi ek FIR likha do… Both of you file
a FIR. Each of you can then appoint an
advocate and fight it out in court.
(i10 owner, Mandar and
me walk outside the policestation)
Me: See boss, I am not obligated to pay you any money
because I think it is not my fault at all.. But still if you want to continue
with this we’ll see each other in court. If it had been my fault, I wouldn’t
even have stopped and you couldn’t even have chased me on the car.
i10 owner: Acha, tera
no hum note nai karte??
Me: Number note karke kya hi kar lete??? Ek FIR likhate..
Mai bhi ek FIR likha leta.. Isse jyada kya hota???
i10 owner: Dekh tu mere ko tarike mat sikha?? Maine duniya
tere se jyada dekhi hui hai..
(He din look that old
to me.. Yet if he was claiming…)
Me: Sir aap bade ho sir..lekin sachai to yehi hai na…
i10 Owner: Jaha tu kaam kar raha hai na, waha mai char saal
kaam karke chor chuka hoon…
Mandar(in his calm and
composed manner): Sir, all this is irrelevant..
i10 owner: to isko bol na paise de aur phir khatm karte
hai..
Me: Kyu du mai paise?
i10 owner: Mera to nuksaan hua hai nai.
Me: Mai manta hoon sir aapka nuksan hua hai, Lekin wo meri
wajah se nai hua hai..
i10 Owner: Duniya mai kahi bhi agar koi kisi ko peeche se
thoke to galti peeche wale ki hi hoti hai..
Me: Aisa koi blanket rule nai hota.
i10 Owner: Maine char(4) countries mai gaadi chalayi hai…
Me: Sir, aap 180 countries mai chalao na.. lekin aisa koi
blanket rule ho hi nai sakta…
i10 owner: Acha aisa karte hai.. We ll go to a Hyundai showroom,
waha gaadi dikhate hai. Jo kharcha hai uska 50-50 share karte hai..
Me: Mai kyu share karu.. Meri koi galti hi nai hai..
i10 Owner: Yaar teri
gaadi to ek hi jagah atki hui hai?
Me: Kyunki that is the fact… I cannot go away from the fact
for your benefit na…
i10 Owner: To kya karna hai.. You guys wana just walk away..
Me: Yes..
i10 Owner: Ok.
Me: Thank You..
i10 Owner: You guys are taking advantage of the situation.
Me: No boss. I am just being honest with you. It wasn’t my
fault which is why I will not give you anything.. There is no case of taking
advantage of you or the situation..
i10 owner: Tum jaise log ke karan na…
Me: Dekho boss, ab aap kuch bhi bol lo.. the truth wont
change..
i10 owner: Kaha se ho aap..
Me: Calcutta
(to Mandar)
i10 owner: aur aap?
Mandar: Mumbai.
Me: Aap kaha se ho?
i10 owner: Bihar(nodding
his head, as if to suggest… had this been Bihar I would have taken care of you
guys).
(We walk away…….)
I thought to myself.. This cant be true. How can a guy be
adamant on asking money from a guy who is not at fault. I realized that the guy
was not thinking correctly..
But look at what assertiveness can do.. Be Honest(It was not my
fault). Decide whats negotiable and whats non-negotiable.. (Non-Negotiable: I
am not going to pay any money to you). Stick to non-negotiable part by
repeating it. Look how many times I’ve had to repeat..
Learning in its true form….
PS: Jarmanjit Singh was the trainer from CHRD. He threw a
lot of live examples and made the training session a lot more fun.
