Envy Yourself!!!

The dictionary definition of envy says that "to wish that you had something that another person has". So how does one envy oneself. I had this thought when I had a lot of time to myself travelling alone in a train from Delhi to Bangalore. Is it actually possible to wish that you had something that another person(you yourself) have? Yes and no!!

What I wish for is a satisfied life with a fair bit of activity involved to keep me busy, albeit merrily busy. Am I satisfied? Am I merrily busy? Not really. So can I envy myself? No. Yet, I think I have found a way to be envious of myself? Well not to get confused. Here's how. Some people perceive that I lead a life worth envying. I get into their shoes and then start envying myself. Some others perceive that I lead a life not worth emulating. I get into their shoes and start criticizing myself.

Its a bewildering thought process that comes along when comparing your perceived self to your actual self. You have two personalities of yourself. You could be better in you perceived self or your actual self. So the question now lies that given a choice what would you like to better in? Your perceived self or your actual self?

For me, I would like to continuously improve on my actual self while also being aware of my perceived self. But shouldn't your perceived self be a reflection of your actual self? At times they are, and at times they aren't. I think if they mismatch on a lot of occasions then you are either a "lot of pretence and no material" or you are "too much of an introvert" to let people know about you. I am not sure whether both of these personalities should match or not? I am not sure how different they should be? I am not sure how good it is for you if they match or how bad it is if they don't? I just had this thought of juxtaposing both my personalities and I had the opportunity of envying myself. Try yourself out and you could come out with different emotions.